Admit It: Watching BDSM Porn Has Destroyed You

Image From Pixabay

You are bored… Tired. You have nothing to do for the rest of the day. What do you do? You whip up your phone and start watching some porn, because hey! What can be a more pleasurable way of passing time?

The only problem? You don’t get the same ‘high’ watching ‘normal’ vanilla porn… You need to see girls tied up, whipped, lashed, bruised. Else, you don’t get that satisfaction.

Do you see the problem? I know you can’t… Because I couldn’t for years.

Just picture this… You see a fully clothed girl being forced to drown versus you see a nude girl in a cage being forced to drown. You will consider the first act as an act of violence instantly. But you won’t consider the second one an act of violence. Why? Because she is nude- she is enjoying it. Right? Wrong! That too is an act of violence and manipulation.

BuT shE gAve ConSENt tO abUSE hER

Consent isn’t black and white. I urge you to see the documentary where they interview one of the models who worked at Insex- the hell hole from where violence against women started being commercialized and sexualized. Here is the clip. Watch the interview carefully-

https://youtu.be/NnxdHn6JVwY?si=9_AByUcjoAAi_SHA&t=3046

PD- the criminal (who remains unarrested till this date) says that she was an “intellectual”. Look at her eyes. Does she look like an intellectual or at the very least, in control of herself? She herself says, “ I was in a drug situation.”

If Women Are Abused In BDSM Porn, Why Do They Come To The Production Houses In The First Place?

People like PD Brent Scott have the talent of identifying depressed, mentally ill (I am using the word with all seriousness) women. He knows that these women are “easy to break”. What he gets? Manufactured consent. A consent that has no meaning- because it is NOT given by women with a clear head.

Why do these girls willingly go to these production studios to be abused? Apart from huge money, there is this aspect of replacing one illness with another.

One of my school friend’s mother had severe arthritis. So much was the pain, that she immolated herself. When ambulance staff came, her body was literally melting way… Yet she smiled and said, “No use. I am fine now.”

For depressed, drug addicted girls, BDSM and being given attention to was akin to immolating themselves. But the original pain never subsides. It keeps lurking. So these girls, in search for ‘subspace’, ‘being corrected’, ‘spiritual release’ keep going back to these production houses.

And then there is the X-Factor: The Boyfriend Who’s Actually a Pimp

Listen to the interviews of ex BDSM porn stars. Most of them have a similar story. They were depressed and then they met the men who would become their boyfriends only to pimp them to the “handlers”. The women- seeing the potential of huge amount of money and an experimental way of having sex that could potentially “heal” her agree to be a part of the production house.

Interesting aside: PD was in the United States navy. Are all men employed by the United States navy or army sadistic?

Here’s a heavier dose of reality check for you:

https://medium.com/p/f47ee4c04bdd

If you are a consumer of this kind of porn, I know denial would be your first response. You will try to hide behind the garb of BDSM and its focus on consent. Let me tell you, babies, BDSM as a sexual preference and BDSM Porn are two different things.

THERE IS NO CONSENT IN MOST BDSM PORN.

I used to get off watching Theodosia “having sex” when in reality, she was being abused. She had a stage name that I won’t share here. You can read about Theodosia’s story here and here. Watch her interview and try to understand how these porn stars go where angels fear to tread.

You have been consuming pure violence videos in the name of BDSM porn. Admit it. You will be at peace. Only then can you change your habits.

I know you- as a faithful consumer of BDSM porn- have a lot of counterpoints:

• “This is a lifestyle. Don’t be holier than thou”

or perhaps,

• “Even men are abused in these videos”

or perhaps,

• “Yes I am a monster, if the industry has problems it has to fix them. But I enjoy watching these videos.”

For the first counterpoint, no, actual BDSM is quite boring. You have to keep talking to your partner and make sure that she is safe. It’s a lot of work and frankly, it gets boring real soon.

For the second counterpoint, ask yourself how many times have you jerked off seeing men getting abused. And if you do. This is not about gender. This about violence being inflicted upon depressed individuals who don’t have a sense of agency.

For the third counterpoint, only God / Universe can help you.

Now To The Actual Point…

Has BDSM Porn Destroyed You?

I started my “self-exploration” journey with photos of women in magazines. Even a seductive but fully clothed woman could make me hard during those times.

Then I graduated to cable tv. Fashion TV, midnight travel shows made me raging hard and I those were some of the hottest masturbation sessions in my life.

Then came smartphones. First, vanilla porn. The video of a woman having sex while her breasts jiggled- oh! that was heavenly! Gradually, my tastes started to shift to deepthroat, foursome, anal, spanking and ultimately full-fledged BDSM.

I would remain awake the whole night searching for more extreme porn of Elise Graves, Penny Barber, or even the sick violent porn performed by Rain De Gray.

This was three-four years ago. It would have taken me a lifetime to orgasm if you had just given me magazine photos to masturbate to.

Stress at work? Let’s watch BDSM. No girl in life? Watch BDSM and imagine spanking your crush. Can’t get that girl who is way out of your league? Why not imagine myself and her current boyfriend spanking her together?

You see the problem? The themes of BDSM porn spills over to your real life. If you are a compulsive BDSM porn consumer, ask yourself: When you fantasize about real girls in your life, what kind of fantasies are those? Do you imagine having vanilla sex with her? I can guarantee you that you fantasize about “dominating” that girl.

This. This is the problem that BDSM porn causes. It turns a man into pussy. He can only fantasize. But in reality, he stays aloof from girls… and in extreme cases, tries those things out with real girls- most of the times without consent.

If this section of the article resonated you, then, yes BDSM porn has destroyed you.

And trust me, cold turkey does not work. If you are rooting for me to hear, “I have overcome my BDSM porn addiction”, then sorry, no, I haven’t overcome my BDSM porn addiction yet.

I have been able to control the addiction. And I have stopped watching BDSM porn produced by known sexual offenders like PD Brent Scott and all his shell companies. Go to Reddit, you can find independent porn stars who want to sell their BDSM porn performance. BUY their work after careful diligence.

Try to limit your BDSM porn watching time. Maybe twice a week. Go and do something worthy of the life the universe has given you. I have started cycling 10Km per day.

I used to think that writing against BDSM porn makes me a hypocrite because I still watch it. Get out of that mentality. Start writing against it. Not for others- for yourself. It’s therapeutic.

To Overcome Your BDSM Porn Addiction, You Need To Get The “Why” of It

The “WHY” Behind Our BDSM Porn Addiction

BDSM pornography is often celebrated for its exploration of power dynamics, boundary testing, and sensory indulgence. But beneath its alluring exterior lies a murkier truth — a psychological crutch for those grappling with feelings of powerlessness. When this type of content moves from a realm of healthy fantasy into a compulsive dependency, it reflects deeper struggles with identity, control, and intimacy.

The Illusion of Power

For some, the draw of BDSM porn isn’t about mutual pleasure or consensual exploration. Instead, it’s the illusion of absolute control — a tantalizing antidote to feelings of helplessness. The “anything goes” mentality prevalent in certain depictions of BDSM porn creates a dangerous fantasy: that the submissive is merely a tool for the dominant’s every whim, no matter how degrading or violent.

This distorted dynamic isn’t rooted in the nuanced consent and trust foundational to real BDSM relationships. Instead, it becomes a one-sided projection of power — a narrative that appeals to viewers searching for relief from their own sense of inadequacy.

The Appeal of “Second-Hand Power”

Here’s the twist: the viewer isn’t in control of anything at all. They’re not wielding actual power but experiencing a simulated version through the screen. It’s an escape — a brief moment of imagining themselves as the orchestrator, the puppet master. For individuals struggling with social anxiety, low self-esteem, or unresolved trauma, this illusion can feel intoxicating.

The screen becomes a stage where their deepest fears and desires play out safely. They can momentarily shed the weight of their insecurities and inhabit a fantasy where they are dominant, decisive, and in control. But like any illusion, it fades, often leaving behind a lingering sense of emptiness or shame.

A Substitute for Intimacy

What’s particularly troubling is how BDSM porn can act as a stand-in for real human connection. Many viewers drawn to its darker corners often wrestle with feelings of isolation and rejection. They may struggle to form meaningful relationships due to social anxieties or carry the burden of past emotional wounds. In this context, BDSM porn becomes less about pleasure and more about filling an emotional void — a surrogate for the intimacy and validation they crave but fear they cannot attain.

The fantasy of the effortlessly dominant figure offers a temporary balm to these insecurities. But instead of addressing their underlying causes, the reliance on this content can reinforce negative self-perceptions. It creates a vicious cycle: feelings of inadequacy drive the consumption of porn, which is followed by guilt and shame, leading to even more consumption. Over time, this dependency deepens, further eroding their ability to engage in authentic connections.

Distorting Consent and Boundaries

The most unsettling aspect of BDSM porn’s darker side is how it normalizes harmful behavior. Genuine BDSM relies on consent, communication, and respect. It’s a collaborative dance of power, not a free-for-all. Yet many portrayals erase these critical elements, reducing the submissive to an object and blurring the line between consensual fantasy and coercive reality.

This distortion can have broader implications, desensitizing viewers to violence and reinforcing toxic ideas about relationships. For someone already struggling with feelings of powerlessness or inadequacy, this unchecked fantasy risks perpetuating harmful attitudes and behaviors both toward themselves and others.

My Take

I think this dynamic speaks to a broader cultural problem: the way we avoid confronting our vulnerabilities. The allure of BDSM porn as a substitute for power isn’t just about sex; it’s about how we navigate our fears, insecurities, and desires. When someone turns to a screen to feel dominant or in control, it’s often a sign that they feel disempowered elsewhere — in their relationships, their careers, or even their sense of self.

The real work, then, isn’t in rejecting fantasy but in recognizing when it stops being playful and starts becoming a crutch. It’s about finding ways to confront those feelings of inadequacy, whether through therapy, meaningful relationships, or simply learning to sit with discomfort rather than escaping into illusions of control.

True empowerment doesn’t come from domination — real or imagined. It comes from understanding ourselves, embracing our vulnerabilities, and forging connections that are built on mutual respect and authenticity. BDSM, at its best, embodies those principles. But when distorted, it can reflect our deepest fears, keeping us trapped in cycles of shame and disconnection. The challenge is to break free — not by clinging to power, but by finding the courage to face what’s hiding in the shadows.

Want To Delve More Deeper? Here’s a Freudian Analysis of Why “Losers” Get Addicted To BDSM Porn (You can skip this section if you want)

BDSM porn’s allure stems from its complex interplay of dominance and submission, tapping into deeper psychological dynamics Freud would recognize. Here’s how:

• The Id’s Cravings: BDSM porn provides a playground for the id, where primal desires for control, pleasure, and taboo indulgence can flourish. For someone trapped in a mundane, powerless reality, this content offers an unrestricted outlet, creating a cycle of fixation and overdependence.
• Ego’s Illusion of Power: The ego mediates between primal desires and reality. Watching BDSM allows the viewer to project themselves as the dominant figure, crafting an illusion of control and confidence absent in their real life. This temporary escape reinforces feelings of inadequacy once the fantasy fades.
• Repression’s Outlet: Repressed feelings — anger, insecurity, or unmet emotional needs — manifest through BDSM imagery. These subconscious conflicts, unresolved and unacknowledged, trap viewers in a cycle of reliance on porn as a psychological release.
• Superego’s Judgment: The superego enforces moral conflict, leading to guilt and shame after indulgence. This internal struggle drives a damaging loop of temporary relief through porn, followed by deeper self-loathing.

Understanding these unconscious dynamics is key. The solution lies in addressing insecurities and unmet needs, breaking free from escapism, and pursuing real-world healing.

Enough Theoretical Analysis. Let’s Talk About Me

Why Did I End Up Getting Addicted to BDSM Porn?

Let me start by saying that I’m no psychologist, but I’ve spent a lot of time analyzing my own life. I’ve pieced together the puzzle of how I ended up where I am today — addicted to something as specific and consuming as BDSM porn.

A Sheltered and Over-Monitored Childhood

My childhood was anything but free. My mother, battling cancer and burdened by financial instability, made sure my elder brother and I were raised in a tightly controlled environment. From her perspective, it was about protecting us and ensuring we grew up disciplined and well-behaved.

And it worked, to an extent. I didn’t rebel or cause trouble. But the cost was high:

I missed out on the spontaneous joys of childhood. There were no lazy Sunday cricket matches in the neighborhood. No sneaky adventures, no exploring life’s complexities, no harmless mistakes to learn from.

Instead, I lived in a bubble, following rules and watching life happen to other kids from the sidelines. This kind of upbringing creates a paradox: you grow up as a “model child,” but inside, you’re insecure, unsure of yourself, and deeply under-confident.

The Crushing Weight of FOMO

Financial instability compounded this isolation. My family couldn’t afford vacations or indulgences, and I spent my formative years in Kolkata without venturing beyond its borders. During Durga Puja, when the entire city came alive with pandal-hopping and festivities, I experienced it all vicariously — through television.

This wasn’t just missing out on fun. It created a persistent feeling that everyone else was living a fuller, richer life while I was stuck in my dull, constricted existence. It was as if life was happening in secret, behind closed doors, and I wasn’t invited.

This led to an unhealthy mindset: I began to believe that people around me — my cousins, friends, and acquaintances — had secret lives full of excitement and camaraderie that they deliberately excluded me from. It was an irrational thought, but it fed my insecurity and sense of alienation.

Health Struggles and Further Isolation

As if the restrictions and FOMO weren’t enough, life threw another curveball. In class eight, I was diagnosed with epilepsy. While I’m grateful it was eventually “cured,” at the time, it was yet another reason for my life to be micromanaged. My already limited freedom shrank even further.

I became the kid who needed monitoring, the one who couldn’t be left alone. Any hopes of exploring the world or forming friendships took a backseat. By the time I graduated college, I had virtually no exposure to life outside my family’s tightly controlled sphere.

Coping Through Maladaptive Daydreaming

With no real excitement in my life, I turned inward. My mind became my escape. I developed a habit of maladaptive daydreaming — constructing elaborate fantasies where I lived the thrilling, adventurous life I so desperately craved.

These fantasies weren’t grounded in reality, but they provided a temporary escape from the monotony and isolation. They became my way of coping with:

• The lack of meaningful connections.
• The absence of real-world experiences.
• The persistent sense of being left out or “less than” others.

But daydreaming, as comforting as it was, wasn’t enough. Eventually, I needed something stronger, something that could provide the instant thrill I had been starved of for so long.

My Turn to BDSM Porn

When I discovered BDSM porn, it wasn’t just another curiosity on the internet — it felt like a revelation, a world I had unknowingly been searching for my entire life. To understand why it gripped me so tightly, you have to consider the context of everything I’d been through: the FOMO that haunted me, the maladaptive daydreaming that had become my safe haven, and the buried but intense desire to finally rebel against the suffocating rules that had defined my existence.

FOMO: A Gateway to Escapism

For someone who had spent their entire childhood and teenage years on the sidelines — watching others live vibrant, exciting lives — BDSM porn offered a front-row seat to a world of intensity and adventure. It wasn’t just about sex; it was about people doing things I could never imagine myself doing.

The themes of BDSM — domination, submission, power struggles — were a far cry from the quiet monotony of my life. Each video felt like an invitation into a forbidden realm where the stakes were high, emotions were raw, and the participants were utterly uninhibited. It was as if I’d been given a backstage pass to a kind of thrill I thought I’d never experience firsthand.

In some twisted way, watching these extreme scenarios made me feel like I was finally a part of the “secret world” I’d always imagined others were enjoying without me. It was my way of breaking through the glass wall that had kept me separated from life’s excitement for so long.

Maladaptive Daydreaming Meets Reality

For years, maladaptive daydreaming had been my coping mechanism. I constructed elaborate fantasies to escape my dull reality — stories where I was the hero, the adventurer, the one in control. But fantasies have limits; they can only provide so much satisfaction.

BDSM porn took those fantasies and brought them to life in a way my mind never could. The power dynamics, the raw emotion, the break from societal norms — all of it resonated deeply with the stories I’d been telling myself for years.

But there was a darker side to this connection. Watching BDSM porn didn’t just mimic my daydreams; it amplified them. It fed into the cycle of escapism, making the fantasies more intense and the craving for them even stronger. Over time, I began to lose the line between what I wanted in my imagination and what I thought I needed in real life.

The Thrill of Breaking Rules: A Reaction to Over-Control

BDSM porn, at its core, represents the antithesis of control. It revels in pushing boundaries, breaking taboos, and embracing chaos — everything my over-monitored upbringing lacked. The psychological theory of reactance helps explain this:

• Reactance Theory: When individuals perceive their freedom as restricted, they develop an intense desire to reclaim autonomy, often through rebellion. My strict, rule-bound childhood cultivated a suppressed but growing urge to defy authority. BDSM porn, with its inherent rule-breaking, became the perfect outlet.

From a psychological perspective, BDSM represents structured chaos — a paradox that resonated deeply with me. In my world of suffocating order, it was liberating to see others surrender to primal urges, negotiate control, and thrive in taboo scenarios.

• Vicarious Rebellion: I couldn’t break rules in my own life, so I lived vicariously through the acts I witnessed. Each video was a symbolic rebellion against the stifling rules that governed my life.
• Autonomy by Proxy: BDSM porn gave me a sense of agency in a controlled environment. Watching others assert dominance or embrace submission gave me an illusion of reclaiming power over my life.

An Insecure Guy Feels Lesser and Underconfident In Front of Beautiful and Successful Women: Watching BDSM Gives Us a Second-Hand Confidence

Growing up with deep-seated insecurities, particularly around social interactions, shaped much of how I perceived relationships — especially with women. My sheltered upbringing left me with little exposure to the complexities of human connection, and I struggled to confidently approach or interact with women. The fear of rejection, compounded by my own underdeveloped self-esteem, made women seem almost untouchable — an embodiment of beauty, confidence, and power that I felt I could never match.

When I discovered BDSM porn, it wasn’t just the intensity of the acts that captivated me — it was the imagery of confident, beautiful women being dominated. At its core, this triggered a powerful psychological reaction:

• Control Over Fear: Seeing women — symbols of what intimidated me — subdued and tied up offered a sense of control I lacked in real life. It was as if the imbalance I felt around women was temporarily corrected.
• Reversal of Power Dynamics: In my mind, women held the upper hand — they had beauty, charisma, and social power I could never rival. BDSM flipped that narrative, presenting scenarios where men wielded absolute control. This reversal was both thrilling and cathartic, feeding my deep-seated insecurities.

From a psychological standpoint, this reaction is tied to concepts of power compensation and emotional avoidance. Rather than confronting my inability to confidently interact with women, I sought solace in a world where those interactions were stripped of complexity and reduced to raw power dynamics.

The Paradox of Submission and Control

Interestingly, BDSM scenarios often involve willing submission — these confident women are choosing to surrender, even enjoying the dynamic. This introduced another layer to the psychological appeal:

• Validation Through Submission: If someone so self-assured could willingly submit in these fantasies, it provided an illusion of acceptance I couldn’t attain in real life. It felt like a form of approval, even if entirely fabricated.

This interplay of fear, control, and validation created a potent psychological loop. Rather than addressing my insecurities or building real-world confidence, I became further entangled in a world that catered to my fears while reinforcing them. The more I consumed, the less equipped I felt to break free and engage with women as equals, perpetuating the cycle of avoidance and addiction.

A Reflection Through a Psychological Lens

Understanding why I turned to BDSM porn requires peeling back the layers of my psychological makeup:

• FOMO made me crave inclusion in something thrilling.
• Maladaptive daydreaming primed me for fantasy-driven escapism.
• A strict upbringing created a repressed urge to rebel and embrace chaos.

BDSM porn wasn’t the cause of my issues — it was the symptom. It filled the gaps left by a childhood devoid of spontaneity, a life marked by isolation, and an identity shaped by insecurity.

This analysis isn’t just about explaining the addiction; it’s about understanding the deeper voids it temporarily filled. Only by addressing those voids — by creating genuine excitement, connections, and autonomy in my real life — can I hope to break free from its grip.

A Note to Parents: Balance Control and Freedom

If you have children in your home, PLEASE control their internet usage but also give them a healthy childhood. The internet, while a gateway to knowledge, can expose young minds to harmful content they aren’t ready to process. Extreme pornography, like BDSM, can distort their understanding of intimacy and relationships, leading to long-term emotional and psychological consequences.

However, merely restricting access isn’t enough. A sheltered, overly controlled upbringing can create a suppressed craving for rebellion, as it did in me. Balance is key. Set reasonable boundaries for internet use and pair them with open conversations about what they may encounter online. Be approachable, so your child feels safe discussing confusing or troubling content.

At the same time, ensure they have a fulfilling offline life. Encourage outdoor play, hobbies, and social interactions to build confidence and emotional resilience. A healthy childhood is one that fosters curiosity, growth, and joy without unnecessary exposure to harmful influences.

Children need guidance, not suffocation. Teach them how to navigate the world — both online and offline — so they don’t have to seek thrills in the shadows, as I did.